Friday, February 5, 2010

Animal Kingdom War

Day 5: I'm on a roll, baby. This no meat thing isn't too shabby. This might be good, and it might be bad... but I really don't notice too much of a difference. There are many factors that play into this...
- I've been too busy to go grocery shopping for full meals.
- I've been super sick and haven't eaten much, period.
- The meat is in the house is specifically for Daniel and/or guys Rambo night.
- And I'm really determined to not eat any delicious meat.

Changes in thought process and how I think about has changed. I've enjoyed the veggie wrap at SubConnection, which I know I would have never tried unless I was on this... I mean, who can beat roasted turkey in a wrap. Seriously now. And, as I look through recipes, I find that I look for ways to make it vegetarian. Such as substituting veggie broth for chicken or beef broth. It's fun. Liberating. I'm empowered. :)

As I have mentioned before, I've still eating dairy items. So... maybe I'm not getting the full vego experience, but, baby steps. Remember? And I'm not trying tofu yet. Period. Gross.

The following story is true. No alterations.

All laws of the human to mouse interactions were broken a few mornings ago. I'm slightly bitter about this, but I feel that my small blogging audience can help me through emotional therapy.
Groggy. Frizzy Hair. Coffee. Needed. Now. Pronto.
Typical early morning for me. I'd like to say that I'm so nice and perky in the morning, but I wouldn't be fooling anyone. It is a little rough sometimes, but once I get the coffee in my body, all systems are a go. I dragged myself into the kitchen to get my caffeine fix and with a little time to spare, I decided to wash some dishes. Weird... I know. So I'm washing a bowl (which was going to be thereafter used for cereal) and decide to grab a paper towel out of the pantry to dry it out. Normal. I open the pantry door reach up to grab a towel and BAM.... mouse on top of the paper towels.
We had a small problem with mice in the past. But, I was sure that was fixed with some sticky traps months ago. I haven't had any reason to believe they dared to enter again. Little punks. This guy pulled a fast one on me.
Being the woman that I am... I screamed, threw my bowl on the counter, screamed again, and probably yelped a little. Then I stared at him. He didn't move. Suspended on the pantry door, on the paper towels... the sucker didn't move an inch. He stared me down. I mean, I really just interupted a perfectly good morning for him.
We continued to exchange glaring looks.
Being the wife that I am... I scream for Daniel (who was sound alseep in the bedroom). At first it was a "please help me call," then it was a "darling-sweetie-sugar-munch, get your butt in here right now call," then I broke out the big guns... the "I'm-being-raped-get-your-skinny-tush-in-the-kitchen-this-instant-and-help-me call". It didn't work. He was passed out. *This is the part where I assure you that I teased him endlessly about not responding to the freaking-out voice of his wife. Sleep is important... but really.*
So, being the rational girl that I am (haha), I slowly reached for a Tupperware and lid. It was woman against beast. This was my time to shine. I'm the hero in this story.
Mind you... the mouse was just staring at me still.
It was probably a world-class show to him.
I creeped toward him.
Slowly.
Very.
Slowly.
And then, the unthinkable. The little guy scrambles back, gets a running start, takes off with the full length of the paper towel roll ahead of him... and

LEAPS

onto me!

That's right folks.
Mouse on my shoulder. Everything after that happened so fast. He ran down my freaking out body, and right into the bottom of the pantry (past two mouse sticky traps) into his little hole.
Being the calm and collected person I am... I freaked. That JUST happened. The mouse went THERE. *snap snap snap*
ATTENTION ALL ANIMALS:
There are unwritten laws Your Excellency Animal Kingdom. Laws about not touching humans because we are terrifying. Laws about leaving me alone. Approach only when you are asked. It isn't hard. I hold your fate. And for the love of Pete.... I'M NOT EATING YOU RIGHT NOW!!!! Seriously? You should be happy.
It's war, oh breaker-of-human-interactions. Full on, balls to the wall, war. No more Mrs. Nice Guy.

2 comments:

nateandrachael said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I laughed so hard reading this! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. Now that you've violated each other's personal space, maybe you could make peace and just be friends? Just kidding. Buy a real trap and kill that little sucker!

Pashe said...

OMG Brooklyn, that is the freaking funniest thing I have ever read!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!! I am so excited that you are blogging your adventures so I can live vicariously through you while I'm stuck here with these "adorable" children. Are you going to add a RSS feed? I do love my feed reader!